Thursday, February 12, 2009
So I started a bible study on Thursday's last week, the first one in a long time and it felt really good. Finally something for me, even though Jaden didn't do so well. It's a Beth Moore study on Esther. Beth Moore being one of my favorite teachers is always so forthright. Well today the study was on the chapter two and how Haman hated Mordecai because Mordecai would not bow to him, and thus Beth showed us how the feud between the Jews and the Agagites came from history and culminated to hatred and meanness. If you are familiar with the book of Esther (one of my favorite books in the bible), Haman in the end gets his, it's good and Esther is a pivotal strong woman who is brave, and humble in a smart way, it's one of the million reasons I love Esther. However Beth talked about meanness in people and meanness in ourselves. It was incredible, because as always she is spot on. One point in particular which resonated with me deeply was watching the meanness come out when someone is mean to our children. She made a comment about how you can hate an 8 year old for being mean to your little girl. Oh how that hit me hard. Yesterday I went to Jordan's school for lunch and witnessed two girls at Jordan's table being mean to another, purposely ignoring her and torturing this poor girl as she sat there. After 15 minutes my heart couldn't take it any more, I pulled the girl aside and told her not to allow the two of them to make her feel that way, that only she could allow them to make her feel bad or she could choose to feel good about herself (unfortunately I could not go into God loves you no matter what, I'm not sure about the whole public school and how God fits into it. Although I imagine not being a faculty member but a parent wouldn't make much of a different). Anyway, she felt better for only a few minutes but lunch was over after that. I was so upset when I got home, I had to pray right then and there, because I wanted God to soften my heart toward these two girls. Not just for the sake of the other little girl but for my daughter as well. I know she sees these things and takes them to heart, she is different and I think she is noticing she is different so I don't want them to make fun of her. I prayed for wisdom so that I can give my daughters all of them, the tools to handle these girls and this type of situation and how to show Christ's love to all the girls regardless of what they have done, hard lesson even for me. Later I sat with the girls and explained the situation and tried to see if they understood what was going on and why it was wrong. I told them how we can show love, why God wants us to show them love even if we feel like we can't. Hard lesson. It was a hard for me to explain why these girls were like this, that unfortunately they did not have Christ in their heart and we just need to pray for them. My heart still aches 2 days later.